My Mental Mind Set over the last week!

So This week has been unreal, fantastic, fabulous, breath taking.. I for once in my life love who i am not just the person on the inside like i have in the past but, this beautiful forming person i don't know yet on the outside. This week has been light at gym its been mixed emotions of not enough time in there and time i need to take off from such intense routine ya know.. I feel guilty i have taken away so much time from my family and become so focused on myself, and my health. The final last two weeks of the contest i have been working out 4-6 hrs a day in order to hold my lead. Is it enough i wont know until this evening at the Finale. My body and mind are having a very hard time adjusting to lowering my workouts to a 2-3 hour session and upped my calories so my body can catch up from lowering them way down for the past two weeks. Its good to know that I feel guilty for not doing enough for my body but yet i fear i have become obsessed with workouts and food intake lol.. I guess its the fear of being who i was and living up to the saying i say that i will never be found at that spot again in my life. I am trying to let myself realize that doing a little with still monitoring my intake will be okay but that fear that is just on the surface Wont Shut UP! Cat Is this normal? Will this subside? I Lost an amazing 52lbs during the competition I am happy with how it went but, i know my body needs to slow down that lbs shedding need to be permanently gone so that means lowering my workouts down abit :) and upping my intake so my body can replenish and let them slide off a bit at time. I never knew i could see myself this way again, I never knew i could be beautiful, I never knew i was capable of becoming this strong in who I am. I am thankful for every person at that gym They encouraged me, cheered me on, asked what i was doing and if i could assit them..I am thankful for my Husband who has let me take the time i need to become me, who has supported me and picked up when i have felt my good enough wasn't good enough. Who has helped in more ways then he will ever know.. Its because of him i see that i am beautiful.. It feels good to know that with hard work and love things can come out on top! I truly cant wait to see who i am at the end of this journey this life change has been so wonderful. Today my husband is taking me to lunch and last Friday i didn't workout blah is how my mind set was that day. Yesterday i did a 5 mile walk in about 2 hrs... My time could of been faster but, i with great company and i enjoyed just being in the warm weather. So two days this week has just been cardio nothing else no more than an hour and its got me scared to death the scale will tell me i am failing but, i come to realize life is never set in stone and anything for the most part can be corrected and in the normal i cant spend that many hours in the gym. As long i am being active daily watching my intake i should still slowly melt off the weight or at least i hope. So many doors have become open, i have made so many wonderful friends ones that i will miss dearly when i move, ones that have become a key role player in my life so moving with take some adjusting to but, i am so up for the adventure. My dream is next summer i will be me fully..I will have met my goals and my body will be fully in shape. I wont to reach to anyone who needs my help on discovering who they are and how to get away from the depression of weight issues.. I hope that when i move i can become active with the community in weight loss aids and help figure out healthier options for everyone. I think more infor thats offered the more healthier snacks and nutrition guides the greater our lives will be.. Our bodies are well oiled machines that require alot of up keep and sometimes people fail to see just how hard they work for us. I want to live a very long healthy life, I want to be like my good friend Patty that i have met on this journey she is the most Beautiful 62 yr old i know.. She is spunky, fun, loving and most of she pushes so hard to be healthy to live for her grand babies.. i wont and i will work the rest of my life to know i am healthy enough to enjoy the lives my babies bring to our world. To enjoy my babies to spend sport seasons running together to more hiking, more tickle wars, I have never truly been this happy? I am so thankful so blessed for all that h as come my way.. Thank you for being my support group here on blog spot i needed this ... to be able to vent and be myself and know that i am still loved.. Thank you Thank you Thank you!