He holds the Key to my Heart!

So Last night my husband wrote the most amazing, blunt, honest, loving blog i have ever read! He brought me to tears to see how much he loves me, Yes i see it in his eyes, the way holds me, the way he brushes my hair off my face, and places his hand on the small of my back. I have never been so in love in all of my life, My heart aches when we are apart, i think of him from the moment he walks out our front door til the moment he arrives home! I love the way he calls me baby, the way just his words can bring me to joy, to laughter, to even tears.. He is the most wonderful i man i have ever encountered, ever met ever been given the chance to love! He always puts me first, with out any hesitation, He goes the extra mile to let me know he loves by doing the simplest things ever.



For example, i wanted desperately to rearranged my living room to make it more open, more family like but, our busy plans pushed it aside, we had a party to go to the next day with a baked cheese cake the needed to be made, i was exhausted and said we can just buy something headed for bed and my hubby stayed up baked the cheese cake and while waiting on it he rearranged my living room for me.. That's not all that's wonderful about it he had to work the next day at 330am and didn't sleep at all that night just to make me smile and happy.. I love you baby!


I love when he holds me all night long, when we lay in each others arms and look into each others eyes and no words need spoken just gazing is enough to take away my breath! I could lay in his arms all day long, never move from that spot. There is never enough time in our day, but,we always make time for each other that cuddle time, that bonding is something i could never go without. I feel so safe, so secure in where i am and i know no matter what challenges come our way we will make it through because we have each other.


I cant believe our 9 year anniversary is just around the corner. I never realized how much i could love one person until i let my heart become his, Until i walked down the isle and give him the key that no one person ever really had the chance to have, I knew long ago in high school he was special, i knew long ago i loved him and when the moment came that i had to vouch it to make him see me was the best move i ever made! I will never forget the first date, or the first kiss, I remember laying in the moving theater seats with my head on his lap, holding his warm hands around my waist thinking i was in a dream, floating across the room without any care in the world other than the love i had bursting out of me! He is my knight, my guide, my very best friend! I love you baby..


I still see my wedding fresh in my mind just as if it was yesterday, i remember his look at me when i came down the isle, i remember being so nervous that i had i to remind myself to breath... but, as soon as i came in front of him my breath became smooth and refreshed with the love of his touch his hands on mine he smiled his gorgeous eyes told me that i was safe n sound right where i was meant to be! When we get married when think that we will live happily ever after but only when the thought becomes a reality do we fully see the true love that sits before our eyes and i love every moment of it all!


I hope one day my children are as lucky as us, that they find their perfect other half, that they experience true love and know how it feels to have someone person complete you.. Jon Thank you for all you do for me, for all you have given me, for choosing me to be yours and letting me complete you! I cant wait for our trip this coming month, i cant wait to have the one on one cuddle time with you, to fall in the snow with your arms around me, to plant a snow ball smack dab on your ass, to laugh at each other as we fall all over ourselves, to sit by the fire place and listen to its beautiful silence, I just cant wait for our time where we can just sit and enjoy each others company knowing there is nothing needing to be done or taken care of other than some much needed lovin for each other!

Todays Tarot Card Reading Very Interesting!

So i get those little emails about my Tarot card readings and horoscopes for the day and the one that came my way today totally hit home! So here it goes this is what it said!


The Nine of Swords, Suggests that my power today lies in realization. I am not my mistakes. I cant do this alone or pretend any more. The illusion of comfort in denial or sacrifice is no longer mine. There is no shame in my suffering--no healing in silent self-torment. It is here at the surreal crossroads of the "soul Search" where dawning truth meets anguish of overwhelming resistance in mind over matter that i can finally wake up, change my mind, let go of what no longer works or own my losses or choices. I am empowered by intense acknowledgement or epiphany and my virtue is gratitude or relief in recognition.


Over the past few days with the holidays here i have been dealing with those unwanted feelings again of my father not loving me. I have been pushing myself to be healthier, working on everything but, the inside that is where it needs to start most at right? so maybe this is a sign???

The days Bullshit

As I sit here the only thoughts crossing my mind are these.... I am ready for a full weekend with my husband, no kids,no friends, no other family just us lost in a cabin together with movies, and cuddle time.. I am dreading my trip this weekend to Vancouver, i feel guilty for not wanting to go Because my Grandmother needs it, needs us so i will push myself even though i want it not.. My family gatherings are never peace full always full of drama and dragging Skelatons out of the closet or the he said she said game.. It makes it unwanted and i am sorry but, even though i love my family i just want to be normal, to not dread seeing them but be excited like i am with jons family..I am just tired of going, Tired of being tired, tired of having to plan things becuase life has gotten so busy. I look forward to new year it means the new me.. I am working towards my weight loss no matter how slow or fast it goes i will reach my goal before the end of 2009! The hardest part of it is not the change in eating or the working out or the down days its being busy. Because i have taken this on it adds to my schedul that is already packed.. I volunteer 2 days aweek at the gym, i workout 5-6 days a week for at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours, I start my job at 3am and i am tired of starting my job at 3am! i work about 43 hours aweek. I am so tired by the end of my day i cant even stay awake to watch a movie with my husband i am always passed out and woke when its time to head for bed or the show is over. I keep wishing for life to slow down and i think the only way it will is by cutting something out of it at times.. though there is not much space to add anything in after house work and home work! So this is todays bull shit of complaints list i am tired and tired and just tired!

5 Favorite Things About the Holidays

1.) The beautiful glow in everyone
2.) The smell of the fresh Christmas tree & Decorating it with Hot Chocolate and Christmas music playing=)
3.)All of the Beautiful Christmas Lights on peoples homes
4.) Watching my Babies Open their Gifts and put out Santa's Cookies!
5.) Cuddly fire place time with good company of loved ones and friends..


I truly could write so much more, I love Christmas Holiday it warms my heart and the joy I see in others is what makes it so very beautiful. Its that one time of the year that everyone is kind, loving, giving and there! family comes together and enjoy each others company, Children play in the fallen snow, and we see the sparkle in their eyes as the look at the gifts beneath the Christmas tree, The smell of the home made yummies, like the turkey in the oven, the pumpkin pie on the table.. The laughter we hear and remembering how lucky we all are to have each other..

So i don't really know many people here in the blog world if you read this and would like to tell us your 5 Christmas favs let us know.. Many hugs everyone and
Happy Holidays!

xoxoxo Yaya

My Role model

We meet many people in our life time weather it be, in person, online over the phone crossing the street you name it we have constant interaction with others who share or experience the same life challenges we do on a daily basis.. I want to Acknowledge One Person in particular that has touched my life and made a big impact on it. I don't know if she realizes this or not but, now for sure she well see how important she is to even the people she has never met!



This person is Cat, She has touched and enriched my life in so many ways. Her daily Blogs, Wonderful support and advice and the effort she is making at her healthy life style is something i so look forward to seeing, reading about everyday. I have seen her before Pictures on the wonderful world of Spark People and watched her transform into the Gorgeous Butterfly though as i have seen by photo she has truly always been Gorgeous now the Outside and inside just match a bit more equally than it had before. She has Encouraged me, let me know she is reading and watching, Given wonderful advice or an occasional hug vi email, comment or message! Her writing and life struggles and happiness is what helps me realize we are all human and go through the same loop holes, challenges, and changes in our lives. She is always Talking about her babies which Shows she is a wonderful mother and cares deeply for her family She has been their glue at times and sometimes though she might not realize it the silent messenger in their paths. We as mothers want nothing more than to see our children succeed, She is doing a wonderful job with all that's on her plate and i just wanted her to know she is my Role Model The One person i see as a leader in our world to happiness, success and change.. I wish her well on any journey her life brings her and i believe that her Sons are going to be wonderful young men someday and i see their girlfriends, wives falling madly in love with their family. If you ever need a daughter lol let me know i could easily be your adopted child lol...

Hugs dear cat!

My daily Events of Yesterday and where it ended up!

So lets start out with the good highlights of yesterday morning and go from there..
Its snowed it so beautiful i finally feel like its the Christmas season, i woke up early walked out for abit in the winter weather, had a warm cup of coffee and made my family breakfast. We all laughed and were happy because the snow meant day time fun! We got all bundled up in our snow gear ( snow pants, winter jackets, insulated gloves and sleds in hand) What a day we had ahead of us in the 4 degree weather up on the pass lol.. Our first adventure making sure the 4wheel drive still works and oh yeah baby she does and climbs that mt side with ease, watching the snow pile up on the branches, and the weight weighing them down and they give to the winter weather, driving in un touched surroundings, watching the birds try to get warm, i couldn't wait to jump out of the truck and throw a mean packed snow ball! Watching my children laugh, play and enjoy it is worth anything i could ever imagine! So we all hit the un touched snow hills with our sleds and snow boards in hand and well yea sweet old yaya she ended up in fir tree head first blinded by the new powder that hit my eyes, i am thinking next time i should remember the snow goggles lmao! after much fun there we decided to hit a much more kid friendly spot for the kids at Brooks Snow park!
Upon arriving the freshly packed snow on our sledding hill is deep and smooth waiting for us to hit the run woot woot.. haha i took myself up and down that hill for at least two hours. Watching my kids go down the steep hill and over the jump they catch air and sled right past our feet to the powdery end haha it was more fun the my whole month wrapped up in one! WE get our self an early dinner at Subway , go home watch a movie and have some warm hot coco with marsh mellows! Enjoyed good friends Company and so on..Get the kids all tucked in the xmas lights up and running and enjoy the warmth from the wood stove in the living room!
So my day was wonderful, i felt loved, happy comfort in knowing all who i loved was safe n sound and headed myself off for nite nite..

as i lay there my head starts turning and i cant sleep, i sit think to myself how hard i had worked all year long last year to get my weight off to be fitter than i had been, now look at me i am again working on the same weight i had taken off last year why??? i ask myself because i had gotten lazy, and not made time for me, let myself go because of the business of our lives and told myself it was okay. i was stupid and i have to work twice as hard to make myself get there to my goal. First one be under 200 lbs by the end of year i think its do able and more than that i know i can get past that first goal but, i hate how long it truly takes. I have to remind myself daily that i am a good person, that i am pretty, that i am loved and doing better for my body in the long run but, i still have those down days where i hate they way i look. I know all of us women do we have days where we wonder how we let ourselves get to the spot we are in now! I hate that i was silly and naive to letting my body go as i became a woman. i stopped caring about me when i was 21 happily married, baby on the way and i knew that he loved me no matter what. I guess that put a security there so i didn't care, i didn't try to be healthy or look my best i let myself slide and get way way out of shape and now i have to work my ass off and find me again! I am ready for my workout today, i ready for tomorrow , and every day after that knowing i am working that hard to make myself live that much longer to enjoy my babies. Other thoughts entered my head from there of how this city misses the city but, is going to badly miss the winter weather i love.. Its my season, my joy , my laughter i love it all. The bundled up kids, the frosty leaves, the ice cycles hanging from the branches, the smell of the wood stove and the cuddling to recover from our cold weather.. That i will miss but, i am going to make sure i have a yearly snow pass for the mt. or else we cant move! I know that moving is the best thing for us, i am tired of driving 30 miles to do my grocery shopping or 100 miles to see my friends and in laws..
My night time thinking ended in wishing for more snow, that my kids have the day off school to enjoy it and that i too cant wait to throw my next Snow ball..

Kinda a Blue day!

Today has been a day of questioning myself and doubt. I ran into an older lady at the gym and she asked how long i workout a day i told her i do an hour of cardio a day and every other day i added in strength training so on those days my workouts are about and hour and 45Min's.. She says its too much cardio.. I was fine until she made this statement and its not wearing me out and i don't feel like collapsing when i am through so whats the right and wrong amount to workout. I feel lost now like maybe i am harming my body. Though all in all after my workouts i feel so energized and alive i mean if it was bad for me wouldn't i be exhausted and dieing? i am doing my best on my own to get to my goal a better healthier me.. I eat about 1800 calories a day, i burn about 400-500 calories a day at the gym if my body feels hungry yes i will eat but other wise i am trying to stick to my calorie goals. I feel so good like i am doing better and trying to mix my foods up. I just thought until this point with this lady today i was on track doing better and than she puts that small bit of doubt in the back of my mind like i don't know myself or my body. i am tired of being heavy, tired of being in this body i am imprisoned in. I want better i would love to be under 200 lbs even if its 198 by the end of April i am at 230 now so i just guess i am pushing for something i cant see but, i feel i will reach if i keep pushing myself to do this.. Yes there are many days i don't feel like getting my butt to the gym but, i want this badly enough that i make myself drive there and just step on the machine and before you know it, its done over with and i feel way more energized than i began my day. Cat maybe you can help me? am i doing to much or to little or eating not enough or too much.. i don't know if only i was rich and i could hire a trainer maybe than i wouldn't feel lost in the dark. this journey thus far has been the most difficult of all.. i have been off and on this route now for over 2 yrs but, i have not given up i always get myself back on track and lose the weight i put back on. this time though i told myself not more on and off shit its only on and i am going to get my ass to the end of my goal. i hate that i feel at times of giving up and that i think to myself my husband loves me over weight why cant i? than its those moments i brake down crying saying i don't like my body. I know my working out and eating better are the only things that will get me to that point but, when will it feel like i am there? when will i be closer and how the heck did i let myself get to this point anyways. I have not enough hours in my day so yes i lack in the sleep department but, its not like the rest of the world doesn't either. I hate hate hate being heavy.. its that hate that drives me to get healthier and workout harder to make it happen. i am joined the biggest loser challenge at my gym and i am hoping i can reach it there or even just get myself better than i am now. I mean i love who i am i just want the outside to match the inside. the goofy, bouncy me that over flows and makes everyone smile but myself because i let myself image eat away at my love for myself.. Its my working out and eating better though that reminds me i do love my body enough to get out of the ditch i have put myself into no matter how hard the road that lies ahead is..

Honesty

Thanks Cat!

Here are the rules:

I have to list 10 honest things about myself, and then pass the award on to 7 bloggers.

1.) I am Shy in Large Groups of People Even though i am outspoken among friends and family!

2.) I have a Cow Complex Where no matter how much weight i have lost i still see myself as the Cow

3.) I hate to be Wrong and i am normally the last one to admit defeat

4.) I Sing in the Shower and the Car at the top of my lungs!

5.) I hate all Feet except babies Feet

6.) I am a People Person Without human contact i go crazy

7.) I fully Believe in Karma and And what goes around comes around

8.) I am a complete Winter Person ( Snow bunny ) I love all aspects of the season, the cold the snow, the ice and the holidays that come along with i t!

9.) I am Scared to Death of Failure, that's why i have not yet got my ass in school thank god i am pushing myself to do it next year!

10.) I am a true Romantic , I may not say it but, i am a total mush for flowers, wine, candle lit dinners, slow jazzy music that sets the mood and even those yummy lil chocolate covered strawberry's.

So i don't have 7 people to pass this along to but, i will pass it on to My hubby

Jon at Something

Those little moments

Its nice when things in our lives finaly get on track again and run smoothly. Less drama at times means so many more smiles, less heart ache and pure happiness. My hubby took our 10 yr old Faith out for a special lunch yesterday.. She was on honor roll second month in a row boy am i proud of her.. She couldnt stop going on about her lunch time her special time with daddy it just brought tears to my eyes and yet again i am crying lol! I cant help but say how thankful i am Jon came into our lives. He has added such wonderful personality to our daughter.. She laughs has such a sense of humor of which i would die to have. Gorgeous smile and with daddy everything is okay! Sometimes its those moments we remember what and why we are blessed!


I anxious for my day.. It calls for nice peace full nap in front of the fire place, some much needed laundry being washed and a killer workout.. I cant wait to go sweat my Ass off Today. Who would of thought such a thing could bring ones day into full swing. lol I am addicted to laughter, to smiles, happy people, knowing i made their day our brought sun into the dark clouds that could of been hanging over their heads. In less than a year i will be moving I am beyond ready and very excited but, at the same time sadden to think i will be leaving my customers behind. They have been such a ride through out my journey. Those customers that come in on a daily bases and share their lives, laughter, sorrow and joy with us they are big stepping stone in our lives. I will come visit often just to hope to run into a few of em. Its hard when we lose someone to in our world and through my job as a mini mart cashier/ asst manager lol i have seen soo much! I have watched the young teens grow up and be married lol cuter than heck, Watched many 50th anniversary's, watched some lose loved ones, make new friends, snow falling and customers at a panic and our coffee, directions, and warmth melt the fear away.
I have lost many good customers who have passed on and walked up above us and those ones i hold dear. Flagged accidents, pushed started many cars, given a fuel when some one's funds are non available, Even a few rides all the way up to Yakima which is 80 miles from here! Being in a small community it becomes more than it becomes a family. You know like when i don't see or hear from my regular truck drives that pass through knowing their routines we worry because we care.. I hate to think something happened to make their route change that day and only hope for the best lol!


So call me mushy its okay i love my job and hate it all in one.. Not because of its lack of joy but, i just want to blossom and gain more knowledge from our world.. School is calling my name and i am so ready to face it dead on and see where this new adventure takes our family! I can never say enough how blessed i am to have everyone i do in my life, if i can make one person smile a day i know i am doing my job to the best of my ability
So be thankful for all we have and what we have for tomorrow is another day and you never know what lies over the rainbow!

Feeling on Top of my Game!

Wow is all i can say. I have started my workouts full swing now almost a week, things look brighter, my sleep is better, my feelings of myself worth is way higher than it once was. I signed up for the biggest looser challenge next month so keep your fingers crossed i can do it lol.. I want to win so bad but, not the grand prize i want to win knowing i have worked my butt off and met the goals i have set forth! I know that when working out is what makes my day, makes me energized and feels like i am on top of the world than its that i need to be doing at this exact moment right? My husband is being to supportive in this. He doesn't get upset with my time away and is helping out so much around the house with the kids .. Its been wonderful i miss him today though he is working his days have been long with work but, its what needs to be done and i am so very proud of him. I just wanted to say my day thus far has been amazing. I hope tomorrow is just as bright!

Getting back on track!

so Today is day one back in the gym. I cant wait to be back on track, following my food consumption and making myself feel like me again. I start volunteering today and from now on every wednesday this month.. Than after that next month i do it two days a week, so i get my member ship free woot woot Cant beat that deal right? Oh the hardest part about being me is controling what i put into my body. I have a bad habit of eating when i am down, happy, mad, you name it i eat for comfort. How does one brake themselves from this?i thought i master'd it long ago and than found myself to gain back 7lbs of the weight i have lost. :( Its hard to be me i have decided but way worth the work! ugh eating right, changing our ways can be the most difficult part about living at times. So i ask if you get the chance encourage me, push me, nag at me help me make it to my goal, be healthy and happy i am healthy! So Deep breaths... I am so ready i cant wait for my workout today.. Its going to be feel so good!

My Baby

MY BABY

Mornings of Sunshine

Evenings are Clear

all things workout

when you are near

Shadows get distant

I lose fright

not alone

when you hold me night

warmness is cozy

sleeping in your arms

never feeling angry or any harm

Loving me Gently

each day through

these things you do

make me believe in you

I see the true love

through every door

Don't ever leave

I'll fall through the floor

Challenges have come and gone

Mountains have blown

Still i stand here

and never alone

Your heart holds the key

no one else See's

the raw and true me

i was meant to be

Love never came as i was young

Not feeling it than scared me

you see

But you opened the door

that was meant for me

You gave me unconditional love

like no one else could

i never knew

i could have it this good

So thank yous

are never enough

for your love you see

because it showed

me i could be free

from anger and guilt

and parents in the past

to be fully happy

its came at last

I love you baby

with all i am

thank you so much

for being my man!

By: Sarah Wood