Omg Can it Really Truly Be?

Wow... So as you all know i have been doing the biggest loser over the weeks my focus turned from that to meeting my own goals so i wouldn't give up or think it was the end of the world if i lost ( though i don't know yet if i have) I stepped on the scale this week to see the most amazing moment of my life my eyes feel with tears as i watch the number form 195LBs I am now for the first time since 2000 under 200 lbs..I started out at 290lbs in Oct. 2006 When i got married in Jan. of 2000 i was 185lb can you believe how close my goal is, how small my clothes are, how healthy i feel and good about myself. I never knew how much working out changing our paths of direction could effect me emotionally.. For the first time in my life i am proud of me, of yaya who pushed to get where i am now.. It drives me even harder to meet my final goal.. Just 50 more lbs which if i push hard enough i can make by my birthday in Sept. The people in gym have become My closest Friends, they have helped push me, inspire me to become the person i know is deep down inside. Its funny so many times before i wanted this to lose weight and feel healthy but, never enough to have truly worked for it til this year.. I just had decided enough trying or crying if i want it i have to do it, push my best and love what i become and that is how i have gotten here.
My husband he is the most wonderful man in the world.. He helped me through the hurtles of is my best good enough, is there something else i could of done better or quicker.. I would rather help 10 people who really want a life change reach their goals than even really win the contest of biggest loser because watching others joys in being healthy, and depressed free is worth more than money or gifts could ever buy. I cant wait to see what other things come along this trial, but, i know that watching my friends change and them telling me i inspired them are powerful words i never knew i could inspire anyone! I am blessed truly blessed for everything in my life. all the people i meet who i am may still keep in touch with or who have been a stepping stool or road block in my life.. I am even thankful for those who in some way have hurt because they made a stronger person and want to love everyone that much more!



So much is on my mind today.. I couldnt sleep all night long here is the events that lead up to that.. I am aware of someone who cheated in the contest i have tried let go but, i have watch all my friends at the gym work so hard to reach where they are at and that simple cheating from the one person will effect all of those who pushed so hard. I wouldnt even care if i lose but, i hurt for those i know truly deserve it more. How do you deal with something like that? For the first time last night i had to push myself not to eat out of emotional needs. It was hard and i am so sad for this even though my moment of 195 hit i just see how hard all of those women have worked. If anyone knows the key how to take away the feels of injustice when we know we cant fix it ourselves please pass it on to me. Today will be the first time in over 2 months that i have take a day off the gym it feels good and scary at the sametime because of the feelings from the events have left me abit down i so want to workout! Everyone in town is scared of this one individual because they have sued people in the past and won lots of money.. Sue happy they call it.. I wish i could find away to stand up to her. I guess though the world does have many mean dishonest people in it and we have hope that good ones always pull ahead and come out on top. I have been contemplating if i win giving the winnings to the other few i saw working so hard instead of myself i am happy with the goals i have reached, the love i have found for myself and the feeling of knowing i am capable of becoming something, someone greater than i ever knew...
and this is where i leave my thoughts...