So yesterday was wonderful, i felt healthy, energetic, joyful it was a terrific day! Last night around 9ish my tummy was growling like mad so i had some dill pickles for a snack! Thinking they are low in calories and yummy would tide me over til morning came. Wrong choice the sodium in them made my hands swell like mad. I am frustrated that no matter how hard i try something goes wrong. I know its not the end of the world or my life but, i have already given up the foods i enjoy to make a life change and bring my health back to the best it can be and now i have to give up all sodium? Its difficult enough to train myself and teach myself on what foods to eat. A good friend of mine Cat told me a great book to look into so here i sit and i have gone to library and i am still on the freaking waiting list.. I just need a gimps of its going to work and i am going to reach my goal. I just so badly don't want to be at this way any more that just the smallest things make me think i am failing. I am staying at about 1300-1400 calories, working out 5-6 days a week and still i am just in the 3rd week being back on full track its just over whelming to not be where i want to be right now! I am scared that i am stuck in this awful body forever and i don't want to be any more so i am pushing as hard as i can to get my life back! If i had known long ago how hard it is to be here at this very point and was taught to eat right early on i wouldn't be here. If i had not let my depression push my food as my comfort i would not be here. I am tired of hearing you have such a pretty face when i cant feel it to myself. I love myself enough to be pushing even when i think i want to stop. I push past my intense workout no matter the pain because i know its good for me, i push past them even when i think i could just lay on the damn couch and watch TV i hate that i feel like being lazy still even when i see that my new found health and workouts has me feeling energized and less depressed! Please tell me everyone else has these problems that i am not the only person here struggling! I am broke so i cant just go out and by the tools i need to aid me on my journey i have to work extra hard because my resources here are very slim and i am willing to do whatever it takes to be healthy. I am ready to cut all sugars from my diet, i am ready to eat low sodium or sodium free meals if that will help i just hate these days like today make it so difficult to keep the healthy happy moments ya know! any who that's on my mind today and my spirits are down abit blah.. hope everyone else is having a much better day just remember no matter how hard the battle or how deep our fears is we are the ones in control of our change our lives so lets push to make the things we love happen!
Monday, January 12, 2009
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4 comments:
I love u baby, and you are doing awesome. I know it tough, but I also know that you are the strongest most determined person in the world. don't ever give up hope, this is one of the toughest challenges you will ever face, but you are winning it. don't let these little blips discourage you, because in the large scheme of things they are just tiny setbacks on your journey that you are winning by a landslide. and once you win nothing will sop you from doing anything. going to college, moving, new jobs...they will all be simple tasks after conquering this ginormous battle. I love you, don't give up hope, you are a superstar!! and my hero. love you always baby.
Listen - something I learned to help with depression - weight training - it also helsp with weight loss and its fun as well - give it a go?
Also instead of a carb ( veggies ) at night try a half a piece of grilled chicken - 2 oz - or you could even do a scoop of protien powder in water, I even have made it in milk late at night - its just meant to hold ya over not fill ya up and the protien is better for your body and the muscles you are working at making - more muscles means less fat!
Dont be to hard on yourself - just try and make choices that you would not normally make - be creative and you can do this!
Aww thanks baby for all your support it means the world to me. If i didnt have you as my personal cheer leader i dont know what i would do. With you i can walk through all things! see you soon i miss you and loves you lots...
Thanks soo much cat. you totally lifted my spirits! I tried the protein shake its a big help and i wasn't hungry right when i woke up. is it dangerous to drink those often? like once a day for a meal???
any who thank you again for all your support i am soo blessed to have you with me on this very big journey!
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