The days Bullshit

As I sit here the only thoughts crossing my mind are these.... I am ready for a full weekend with my husband, no kids,no friends, no other family just us lost in a cabin together with movies, and cuddle time.. I am dreading my trip this weekend to Vancouver, i feel guilty for not wanting to go Because my Grandmother needs it, needs us so i will push myself even though i want it not.. My family gatherings are never peace full always full of drama and dragging Skelatons out of the closet or the he said she said game.. It makes it unwanted and i am sorry but, even though i love my family i just want to be normal, to not dread seeing them but be excited like i am with jons family..I am just tired of going, Tired of being tired, tired of having to plan things becuase life has gotten so busy. I look forward to new year it means the new me.. I am working towards my weight loss no matter how slow or fast it goes i will reach my goal before the end of 2009! The hardest part of it is not the change in eating or the working out or the down days its being busy. Because i have taken this on it adds to my schedul that is already packed.. I volunteer 2 days aweek at the gym, i workout 5-6 days a week for at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours, I start my job at 3am and i am tired of starting my job at 3am! i work about 43 hours aweek. I am so tired by the end of my day i cant even stay awake to watch a movie with my husband i am always passed out and woke when its time to head for bed or the show is over. I keep wishing for life to slow down and i think the only way it will is by cutting something out of it at times.. though there is not much space to add anything in after house work and home work! So this is todays bull shit of complaints list i am tired and tired and just tired!